Now Jerks have Killed the Dream I Dreamed.

Being a product of a generation raised on rom com's and unrealistic expectations, I suppose it should come as no surprise that I can't seem to find 'Mr. Right.' Hell, I'm having issues even finding 'Mr. Right Now' or 'Mr. Anyone Anywhere.' I swear, if one more of my facebook friends gets engaged I am going to 1) like that status update because I'm a nice human and then 2) clamp my hand in my hair straightener. 

I don't feel like I'm looking for someone that impossible to find! I have a very clear image of my ideal man. People have such long lists of ridiculous things that they want from a man, and sure, some of them find guys who are willing to pretend to be that for them. All I really want I've decided is someone to make me waffles and to sit on the couch with me on sunday mornings and watch t.v. Then I want us to play tag in the park and make fun of people on the street. I have taken the liberty of posting my three dream fellas below, mainly because I know so many straight guys spend their days reading girly blogs and I want them to take note. 
Carly's Dream Men:

 Charlie Day... So cute and funny.

 Matthew Perry seduced me with his vocal patterns and comedic timing

Jorma just makes me melt. I'm a pile of butter right now.

While I will say that I am sure many guys in New York are probably great human beings, I can also say I have had the pleasure of mostly meeting Douchebag McGee's. Really though. I met this guy the other night who, while cute, was hands down the biggest ass I have ever met in my life. I couldn't believe the things coming out of this guys mouth! The worst part is, I think his objectifying of women and degrading comments have actually gotten him laid so many times he now thinks it is not only tolerable, but acceptable to act this way. Ladies, don't sleep with these awful men, because the rest of us have to talk to them and endure the Pavlovian result of your positive reinforcement. Don't worry gals, I rang a bell and puched that mo'fo in the face! Alright, I didn't. But I did walk away and mock him incessantly. 

PREACH IT, sister!  I too wish I could say my love life is all romantic strolls around Central Park, and lazy weekend brunches (sidenote: Carly and I REALLY like breakfast foods) that end with a day of mimosa snuggles and working our way through my Netflix and HuluPlus queues.  Oh wait!  I do have that!  I have found a guy who combines my love of fancy day drinking and dumpy television.  He is perfect. Unfortunately he is also gay.  Figures. 

The only other guys I have found lately must be studying at Douchebag McGee's School for the Upright Asshole.  This week I found myself being asked out repeatedly by a (not so gentlemanly) gentleman, who insisted I would say yes because he is "an alpha male"...he was also 20. (The universe is REALLY pushing that cougar card that I DO NOT want)  If you can't legally buy me a drink, please go back to the daycare you crawled away from...I think I saw an Amber Alert about you.  While I definitely love me a confident man, having to reassure yourself you are the top dog, whilst saying I have a "nice frame," is a sure fire way to convince me you are not confident.  It also convinces me I am house, and you are realtor.  What kind of frame am I? The A-frame? The classy Victorian?  The dreaded split level?!  I was honestly hoping for one of those silver mobile homes....but I digress....

My dream man is the perfect mix of tall/dark/handsome, goofy/nerdy/funny, and age appropriate.  I'm sure this mix exists somewhere other than my dreams....maybe.  For now, let's follow Carly's example and use a few pictorial examples to make this search go a little more quickly. 
Caitlin's Dream Men: 

Jason Sudeikis. Cute/funny/charming.  Olivia Wilde is a lucky bitch.

Utkarsh Ambudkar. I mean...come on! And he's been on Broadway and the Mindy Project...sooo

Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Just because.  Am I right?! Yes.

Ideally we are looking for a tall dark and handsome man with his shorter, comically adorable sidekick, both with great senses of humor, jobs and the ability to read written word. All applicants can apply, in person, to any brunch establishment this spring. You will find us there. Send us drinks. Just remember, Caitlin likes her coffee like she likes her men: bitter. And I like my coffee with vanilla soy milk and one splenda. But I don't think I like my men that way... Or do I? I guess that would just make them calorie free, Vanilla Ice look-a-likes and I DO NOT want that.